What is your relationship with anger like? Do you avoid it? Do you repress it? Or do you lash out and rage? I grew up in a home where I was not allowed to be angry and where I was often the recipient of other people’s anger. It was really uncomfortable and confusing!
Over the last decade I have come to see [when experienced in a conscious way] anger is a deeply helpful emotion because it indicates when a boundary has been crossed. In relationships, boundaries are so important! Boundaries allow us to give and receive love in a way that benefits all involved.
Not everyone agrees with this and that’s ok. But here at Love Renegades, part of how we create incredible relationships and lives that we love is by feeling our feelings and setting healthy boundaries– both of which play a huge role in breaking free of the Illusion of Sacrifice too!
Years ago when I realized that this was my truth, I remember feeling angry! I had come across a quote about love and relationships that really pissed me off and inspired a passionate rant!
See, my relationship coaching and love psychic business was at the beginning of transforming into Love Renegades. I am grateful that the anger I felt has allowed me to deepen my understanding, perspective, and approach regarding the importance of boundaries in relationships and in serving amazing people like you.
Here are some questions for you to explore in your self-care time:
What role is anger playing in your life, your relationships, your dating experience, etc right now? What is no longer working for you? What boundaries are you thinking about setting?
If you are in a different place right now, what boundaries did you set to get you to where you are now?
It’s all such a fun process of self-reflection, isn’t it?!? 🙂
Here is the transcript of the video:
There is something that I really, really want to shed light on. This is about love. Ok really—it is about what love is NOT. More than that it is what so many of us think that love is. I want to give you an example so that I can stop being so freakin’ theoretical here.
OK, I was looking at different quotes about love. I stumbled on this one, and I am just going to be honest. It pissed me off. It’s in line with everything that I want to talk to you about today. It says:
A strong relationship starts with two people who are ready to sacrifice anything for each other.
No! It is not true and absolutely messed up! If somebody tells you that you need to love them by sacrificing for them, then you need to run for the hills!!
BECAUSE THAT IS NOT LOVE!
Love does not put conditions and parameters. That is [the illusion of] control! That is [the illusion] of sacrifice! That is manipulation. That is just some BULLSHIT!
So, if anyone tells you that, then run!! And if you are the person doing that then I ask you, “are you more about controlling people or are you more about love?” Because Love is a creative energy. And if we are sacrificing ourselves or if we expect someone else to sacrifice themselves to show us so that we can tell everyone how “in love” we are with each other, then really…
What comes out of sacrifice? Really nothing comes out of sacrifice. It keeps us stagnant. It keeps us stuck. It keeps us locked in the same patterns!
And Love is a creative energy. Love gives us new opportunities to experience ourselves to express ourselves. To be IN LOVE and ENGAGES with our lives!
So sacrifice is a love myth—there is an illusion of sacrifice—that really just ignites something in me! And as a Love Psychic—who a true LOVE RENEGADE— I feel it is my responsibility to shed light on these misconceptions, these illusions of relationship, these love myths.
Or read the transcription below…which is fine but you may not fully receive all of the love that is available to you in this healing transmission if you only read about it 👇 👇 👇
Hi, I am Lauren Kay Wyatt. I am an Intuitive Coach, the founder of Love Renegades, and the Creator of the Illusions of Relationship™ system.
Today I want to connect with you about the Illusion of Sacrifice. The Illusion of Sacrifice is one of the Illusions of Relationship that causes you to disconnect from your own needs and to be completely tuned into the people around you. For example, you would intuit your partner’s needs, your friends needs, your children’s needs, but that you would be completely disconnected when it comes to your own needs.
While it is a beautiful thing to be so caring and loving and while it is a super power to know other people’s needs, the dysfunctional side of it is being codependent and to really expect other people to give you what you give them–when one of your super powers is giving.
So what will really support you in breaking free of the Illusion of Sacrifice is making a commitment to connect with your own heart and to treat yourself the way that you treat other people by tending to your own needs.
Now this may take some deep self-reflective work that might feel kind of scary. I encourage you to be courageous. At Love Renegades we say Courage is the Vehicle of Love. I encourage you to really go for it.
Go for it in getting to know yourself and in getting to love yourself. Explore those shadows so that you can break free and be free and so that other people will love you the way that you love them and so that you can even have a higher level of that ideal.
Are you an empath? In 2015 I made a video on my YouTube channel—back when I called my business Bee Loving Bee Wise, owned the title of Love Psychic, and for the most part, did not include my middle name when introducing myself. To my surprise I saw that this video has almost 4.5K views!! I had no idea the impact the video would make. Although I do not often use the word “empath” it is very much a part of my life and the lives of my clients. Being an empath in relationships or an empath in dating definitely has its own set of challenges. Over the years I have worked with clients on using their high sensitivity and empathy to their advantage while dating and within their relationships.
If you are an empath, highly intuitive sensitive person, please know that I am devoted to serving you in having incredible relationships and enjoying your life fully and completely.
Find a slightly modified transcription of the video below 👇 👇 👇
Are you an empath? An empath is someone who is beautifully sensitive and can really feel the emotions of someone else. This is a really beautiful and sacred gift. The thing is sometimes empaths will take on other peoples’ energies and emotions and the energy of the room. They will do it like it is their own.
When an empath is in a romantic or intimate relationship or when an empath is on the dating scene—it is usually a different experience for this type of person—because this person is very much feeling the other person’s emotions, the other person’s energy, and the other person’s stuff. If they are at a party with a lot of people, they are going to feel that as well.
So let’s say that you [as an empath are] feeling great and you go to an event and you are excited to meet people. Sure, you might be a bit nervous—totally normal—but when you initially agreed to go to the event or go on the date, you felt good about it! And then you went to the event or date, you felt kind of weird, a bit uncomfortable, and kind of slimed. Maybe you even felt sick or felt like crying. Maybe this experience did not make sense! Maybe you felt like it was you! Or, maybe you are an empath who really absorbed and felt the collective energy of the room or you were just so tuned in to the other person’s stuff!
Now, I am in NO WAY saying that you should not leave the house or that you are this person who has this horrible affliction and that there is nothing that can be done about it. No! I am not saying that at all.
The truth is you can still have amazing fulfilling relationships where you are receiving love and appreciation from the other person and you are giving love and appreciation to the other person. All of this is highly possible. What it takes is for you to know what you want, be aware of how you are feeling, and to realize, “hey, maybe all this heavy energy that I am feeling isn’t mine.”
So anyway, I am an empath too and this is something that I have had to deal with in my dating life, relationship life, married life, and in being a somewhat social person in general…During a home yoga practice, the most beautiful message came through to me and I had to stop my yoga practice because all I wanted to do was just get this message out so that I could share it with you. I call this the Empath’s Creed.
Even though I feel the pain of the world. Every insecurity. Every worry. Every bill unpaid. Every judgement. Every instance of a lack of trust.Each betrayal. Every expectation that was never and could never be met. I remember that I have a choice. I can choose to believe and buy into that humanity has fallen. I can choose to believe that I am insignificant and that I don’t matter. Or instead, I can choose to remember who I am and what I stand for. I am profoundly grateful. I AM GRATITUDE. Even at my darkest moment, I choose love. This does mean that I have to like everyone or allow myself to be treated badly. What it does mean is that each moment allows an opportunity. An opportunity for love. An opportunity for change. And an opportunity to choose.
So from my heart to your heart—may your day be filled with love and gratitude. When you are with your special someone, significant other, friends, [or] you are on a date with someone you have not met, you are at a networking event, or party at someone’s house—whatever it is: remember how you are feeling, how you are being, and that you have a choice. You matter.
**A slightly modified transcription is given below. Please know that the healing transmission of this video does not come out as fully from the transcription.**
Today we are shedding light on the Illusion of Control, the first of the Illusions of Relationship™. Just like what its name feels and and sounds like, really creates contraction with control.
The control can be aggressive such actively and obviously trying to control other people. The control can look covert as well.
Either way, you want to control the future by wanting to know exactly what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. This Illusion of Relationship™ really takes you away from your heart and it throws you out of sync with Love by its relentless need to control. This is micromanaging of the creative process of the heart chakra.
For people who have the Illusion of Control as their main Illusion of Relationship™, the best advice is to you is to work on opening your heart and trusting Life. Being authentic and vulnerable is a huge part of this as well—doing this in a powerful honest way—where you can put it out there to the Universe (as an intention) and really attract people into your life who can be safely be your soft side with and who is safe to let your guard down with.
This allows Love to lead the way.
You are invited to reflect on this message with the following questions:
1.) In what ways do I seek and exhibit control in my relationships?
2.) How do I try to control myself and others?
3.) What might happen if I followed the advice given to me in the video?
