As a Love and Relationship Psychic and Coach, I have the pleasure of connecting with people about their love lives and relationships. Recently, I felt inspired by a client’s session and received Divine Guidance (and her permission) to share this with you.
She is a beautiful, vibrant woman. Highly intelligent, successful, and quite kind. She is the type of person many of us would see and think, “Her life is perfect. She has it all figured out.”
The reality is that she has been in an emotionally abusive romantic relationship for three years too long.
She has told herself that she can fix it—that if she could just “be better” and “work harder,” then her partner would be happy—and that maybe the relationship would one day be what she has always wanted it to be.
In this relationship, she often experiences feeling devalued, dismissed, wrong, and anxious. She is not treated with love and respect. Many times, she has wanted to leave but has chosen to stay. She is losing confidence.
Does anything about her story feel familiar to you? As someone who loves to identify and dismantle illusions that separate us from Love, which I call the Illusions of Relationship™—I am excited to shed light on this common situation with a Love Renegade’s perspective, starting with mistaken thinking.
My client’s mistaken thinking was such that she believed that “being better” was going to going to lead to new enjoyable experiences in her relationship. Her motivation for “being better” was with the expectation that her [former] partner would like her more or treat her better. Although completely understandable, this approach is not only manipulative but also a form of self-deception.
The mistaken thinking at play here aligns fully with the Illusions of Relationship™, but not with Love. If continued, actions made from such thinking would result in more opportunities to deceive and be deceived, more reasons to stay stuck, and more dissatisfaction in relationships—causing a lot of pain and frustration!
Now back to my client—-in addition to being gorgeous and successful—she is a martial artist. In her coaching session, her Guides and I directed her to apply martial arts to this common relationship dynamic. From this exercise, she uncovered that her [former] partner’s “signature move” against her was a chokehold-—which made perfect sense for her!
See, the throat is the energy center of communication, authenticity, and self-expression. When we have blocks on our throat chakra, we are experiencing difficulty in speaking or living our truth. Nothing about this relationship really supported her in shining as her authentic self!
As we continued the session, I watched her throat chakra heal as she connected with her inner Love Renegade. As she saw the enlightened truth before her, she embraced a new perspective that will support her in breaking free of an emotional chokehold and the Illusions of Relationship™.
Of course, without being consciously aware of it, many of us unknowingly allow ourselves to be put into emotional chokeholds. For your own healing and illumination, I encourage you to spend some time with the following questions:
What would I do or say if I felt more trusting and confident?
Is there anywhere in my relationship or life where I am deceiving myself?
It is Mistaken Thinking to believe that you need permission from some outside authority to have what you desire. You may wonder, “who is this perceived outside authority?” Before we go into the answer to that question, let’s talk about change. Please consider the following questions and select at least one to reflect upon:
What in your relationship and life would you love to see “magically” change?
What would the tone of your relationship or dating experience transform into?
How would your qualities of friendships shift?
What would you no longer tolerate in your life and relationships?
In order for any of your answers to the above to occur, you must be willing to make the change that is reflected in the answer to the question. Here are some examples:
Example One– You want your partner to be fully supportive of your growth and your path. If this is true and you want to be able to connect with them on a deeper level, then you be the one to give yourself the permission, love, attention, and support that you desire from your partner.
Example Two- Perhaps you are tired of playing the role of the “helpful friend” who always gives free advice. If this is the case, then consider that maybe you choose to be the “helpful friend” to obtain permission (a.k.a. validation) instead of stepping into higher levels of your self-worth.
Example Three- Maybe it is time to set a boundary or start a new endeavor that you have been thinking about for some time, but instead of moving forward, you fear the fallout. Instead of taking action, you allow confusion and the fixation of what other people will think (i.e. secretly wondering if you have their permission) to keep you from moving forward.
What it comes down to is this…
Because you are the most important person in your life, you are the best authority in your life too! Will you give yourself permission to create a life that you love?
Thank you for reading and for spending time with yourself today.
Tired of feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and stuck in your current relationships? You might be experiencing mistaken thinking, a phenomenon which makes it very hard for you to see the opportunities in front of you, causing you to take incongruent action, which ultimately leads to being stuck and feeling the frustration, anger, resentment, etc. that comes with it.
Signs of mistaken thinking include the following:
Following advice that is NOT congruent to you and expecting it to work. There is A LOT of mistaken thinking perpetuated by so-called relationship experts, health authorities, and business coaches.
Seeing only one or two options for how to move forward. This is the Illusion of Absorption at its finest. If you only see one or two options, you are participating in a form of mistaken thinking. If you find yourself arguing that you have no choice, then ask yourself, “Why do I need to be right about being so powerless and limited? How does this help me?”
Viewing yourself as wrong or defective. This is a form of self-abuse designed to keep you stuck and perceiving yourself as powerless.
Believing that life has to be hard and that relationships take a lot of work. Many people believe that we have to suffer in order to grow and that anything worth having requires a lot of work. While there is a little bit of truth to this, this is another form of mistaken thinking. Suffering and growth do not have to co-exist.
Doing what you did years ago, when your relationships and life are now calling you to new action. Usually what worked for us five or six years ago will not work for us anymore. If this is what you are experiencing then it is time to break free of mistaken thinking and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Any of this sound familiar? Would you like to resolve your mistaken thinking, reconnect with the Truth of who you are,and be on your way to authentically enjoying your life and relationships? Hire me to “clean up your thinking” with a Soul Guidance Session. The Soul Guidance Session includes the following:
Key insight into how you can move forward in a way that resonates to your unique energetic signature
Shedding light on the Truth of the matter, without all of the illusions that are causing “mistaken thinking”
Practical guidance for relaxing into your energy as you take new aligned action
This session is 60 minutes, delivered on Zoom. The session is recorded for your convenience. It also includes a 30 minute follow-up session. Until Wednesday June 9, 2021, at 7 PM CST the Guidance Session is only $300, which is half my normal rate!!
After I receive notification of payment, either I or someone from the Love Renegades Team will be in touch to schedule your session and gather the information that I need to create your session. Please know that all sales are final and refunds are not offered.
I highly encourage you to take me up on this offer. I am looking forward to working with you!
There is a difference between doing something new with gusto and trying. When we try, we are unknowingly activating the Illusion of Perfection, one of the Illusions of Relationship™. It’s a heavy energy!
When we try, we act with expectation. We are expecting something to happen. Expecting someone else to do something. This creates a lot of heavy pressure, creating unnecessary obstacles and burdens. It’s draining! It is a lot to carry.
You may think “I am doing everything right! I am trying so hard! Why is this not working?”
Acting from a place of trying energizes the Illusion of Perfection and is a wonderful recipe for frustration, anger, and fatigue. These energies are not attractive when creating a new relationship—one that reflects you! Nor do they magnetize new, enjoyable circumstances in your current relationship!
See, creating a new relationship or a different result in our current relationships—both where we are free to be our true selves—takes love and conscious aligned effort. It is consistently making new choices. It’s committing to show up as the person who has their ideal relationship.
What is your ideal relationship? If you are already in a great relationship, what would make it even better?
When you answer this question, I urge you to keep your answer focused on YOU and not on your partner. Here’s why…
If you watch the the Illusion of Perfection video (which you can do here: https://youtu.be/kf6ZJvdqeG8) you will see that one of the traits of this Illusion is being judgmental and critical. When we want others to be different from who they are, we first must acknowledge the parts of ourselves that are ready for an upgrade.
Does that make sense?
Sending you blessings of divine understanding, trust, and of course: Love.
Perfection really is a sneaky beast! It urges us to follow the crowd and while it may lead to some sort of validation, it is really shallow and superficial at best. Really, any praise obtained from trying to be perfect, is the equivalent of fast food. It feels good while it’s happening, but if you eat too much and for too long…well, it can have lasting effects—and not the good kind!!! 🙂
This leads us into the Illusion of Perfection, one of the Illusions of Relationship™ that separates you from Love by causing you to be deeply inauthentic. This Illusion is so subtle that it you will often think that you are being true to yourself by just refining (and well, perfecting) when in reality, you are playing out a cycle of fear.
How does this impact your relationships? Well, it can cause the people in your life—especially your partner(s) or prospective partners—to not even know you. No one, including you, ever gets to truly connect with your authentic identity. This can cause deep longing and frustration—which can play out in sooooo many [dysfunctional] ways in your relationships!
If you would like to transcend the need for perfection, you must heal the Illusion of Perfection within you. Here are two videos where in less than 15 minutes—you will you will receive a deeper understanding of the Illusion of Perfection, and you will have an opportunity to connect with your authentic (ahem LOVE RENEGADE) self.
You can read the transcription below, but it is highly recommended that you watch the video.
What we are going to talk about right now is the Illusion of Perfection. The Illusion of Perfection is the fourth Illusion of Relationship that separates you from Love and disconnects you from your heart by willing you to be absolutely flawless and perfect. This particular Illusion of Relationship causes you to not be yourself. It does this because it keeps you from getting to know your true self. You are constantly plugged in to other peoples’ expectations of you. Now, they might be perceived expectations–projected ones! They may not even be true. A lot of assumptions are made with the Illusion of Perfection. When we are trying for an ideal that is not authentic for us, it puts us out of our brilliance and it makes us inauthentic. This can cause us to attract a lot of situations where we feel like we cannot be ourselves and where we cannot even access ourselves and are genuinely afraid of our potential. Dear one, if this sounds like you, my advice for you is to connect with your heart and set the intention to tap into the creative power, to let your Love Renegade guide you in being yourself, and for you to be courageous enough to put your beautiful heart and enter the world in your own unique way.