“I can’t do it. I am calling the wedding off.”
The two sentences that scared the absolute SHIT OUT OF ME were now out. In full view. On the table. Front and center.
Terror ran through my body. I braced myself, closed my eyes, and waited…What would happen next?
His response surprised me…
“That’s OK. We can wait. Whenever you are ready.”
The emotional build up I felt in my heart turned to tears. I couldn’t stop crying. I was shaking. Was I relieved? Was I in shock?
Five years later, I know now that what I felt was love.
Not the mere feeling of love or the addictive illusion of it. What I felt was the big type of love. The kind that heals. The kind that transforms. The type of love where you experience an envelope of complete acceptance, grace, and safety: the type of love that creates miracles.
And, a miracle, I did create. I spoke my truth. I chose courage.
Like many of my clients and maybe even you specifically, I had a pattern of not checking in with myself before I made decisions. Instead of asking my heart for advice and checking in with my own inner wisdom, I would often go along with what the other person wanted. I was afraid of making my own choices. I did not trust myself.
And you know what? I paid the consequences. Choosing to go along with what others wanted me to do only led to resentment, burnout, and a continual pattern of what happens when a person constantly refuses to trust themselves.
Can you relate?
A new level of empowerment beckoned me. On this level, I would know to listen to my inner authority and my hear t. I would choose to be authentic and trust myself.
This was not an easy choice. I knew that my choice was no doubt going to disappoint people. The thought of hurting another person made me feel nauseated, but now was an opportunity to choose my own way.
In doing so, I let other people down. My choice to call off the wedding really hurt my mom. And that killed me…but you know what? We all moved through it….Eventually. 🙂
And you know what else? Today, on October 27th, Daniel and I celebrate our forth wedding anniversary together.
The moral of the story is that right now, you might be at a cross roads. You might be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. You might be stuck in fear. You might be going along with what others want because you are afraid of living your own truth. You might be suffering needlessly from not trusting yourself.
Whatever it is, I urge you to choose love. This is a courageous choice. It is not always easy.
How will you choose love today?
And just in case an answer does not immediately pop into your heart, I have enclosed a few more questions for you to support you in courageously choosing love.
- Have you ever made yourself do something that you did not want to do simply because you said you would?
- What were the results of that choice?
- Are you experiencing the results of those choices now?
- What change do you want to make that you are afraid to make?
Today, I invite you to treat yourself to a few minutes of quiet time to connect with your heart as you answer these questions.
And if you like, you can always reach out to me with your answers or any follow-up questions that you have to this article. I love hearing from you.
Blessings,
Lauren
