by lauren | Sep 1, 2021 | best relationships, boundaries, creating intimacy, dating advice for empaths, dating advice for highly sensitive people, dealing with drama, deepening with partner, Empowerment in relationships, illusion of drama, illusion of relationship, illusion of satisfaction, love renegades, relationship challenges, self-love in relationships
I want to speak about popularity and how it impacts our relationships. As a love and relationship psychic and coach, I get to connect with a wide variety of people about heartbreak, healing, and frustrating experiences they’ve had in their relationships.
From my experience, I notice that there are some of us who would rather be popular and liked, rather than be in an authentic, happy relationship. As someone who takes pleasure in identifying and spotting illusions that separate us from love and cause disruption in our relationships, our dating experience, with our significant others, etc—which I have come to name the Illusions of Relationship™— I got curious about this.
I have seen that for some of us, the thought of fully claiming what we want and daring to be our authentic selves, is an absolutely terrifying endeavor. Bringing this to a person’s attention has, more often than not, led me to be highly unpopular, which I take responsibility for.
I see that many of us are [unconsciously] fond of our Illusions and when questioned, cling on more and more tightly. Even though it is empowering and deeply healing to know when we are in Illusion, it can lead to a lot of fear for someone who is not ready to see themselves and others with eyes of love and truth.
What I feel guided to share with you is that I am willing to be unpopular. Yes, if I am fortunate enough to have you on my mailing list and if I am blessed for you to be a client, then no matter what I will identify misalignments to Truth and I will support you (as best as I can) in having a life and relationships without sacrificing, “selling out,” or settling.
If you have been following me for a while, you will see that I talk about the sacrifice aspect frequently. More recently in my last email about the Illusion of Satisfaction, I touched upon the settling aspect. Now, it’s time to discuss “selling out.”
Whenever we try to be who someone wants us to be, we are selling out. It puts us out of alignment with our personal truth and with universal truth. When we pretend that we are ok for settling for less than what we actually want, when we fail to communicate our needs, we are acting out of fear. We are, in a way, telling the Universe, “no. no thanks. I may say I want a great relationship, but my actions show you that I am fine with getting crumbs.” This leads to resentment and it keeps you further from what you actually want.
What I have come to see is that shedding light on Illusion can frustrate and upset people, and you know what? I understand.
It can be very scary to step up and ask for what you want. It can be really intimidating to live life as your true self. For most of us, it is unknown. It is uncertain. We are taught to believe that the unknown is scary and should be avoided at all costs.
This is the journey of a Love Renegade. As courage is the vehicle of love, the Love Renegade chooses to see, heal, and work through Illusions. Love Renegades choose to create their own future based on love and truth, instead of selling out and being who everyone wants them to be.
So today, I send you blessings of courage as you embrace your unique path and dare to create relationships that reflect and support YOU.
by lauren | Aug 11, 2021 | acheivement, best relationships, coaching questions, creating intimacy, dealing with drama, illusion of satisfaction, love relationship consciousness, mistaken thinking, Relationships, spiritual relationship advice for women, success
This picture marks a time in my life when I was very much engaged with the Illusion of Satisfaction and surrounded by the Illusion of Perfection. It began a time of going deeper and daring to create authentically and addressing all of the fear along the way too. More on that another time. 🙂 For now, let’s deep dive into the ins and outs on the Illusion of Satisfaction…
As a relationship psychic, I am gifted with the opportunity to connect with a variety of people about their relationships. This can happen casually at a social event or within the sacred space of a coaching conversation. As we go deeper, I am often delighted by the “new level of self” I hear expressed to me within the conversation.
The other day something interesting happened…
This person in my coaching space did not have a problem. Her relationships were great. Her career was booming. She was pleased with her health and family life. This is unusual in that most people who seek me out to have this kind of a conversation have something that they want to heal, change, or transform.
Also—I could tell that she was not lying to me or trying to “prove” how great things were going for her. I say this as I notice that some of us may overcompensate by talking about how well we are doing in order to bypass how we are really feeling or to “cover up” the bits of our lives that we judge or make wrong in some way.
I digress…
As she and I went deeper, I saw that she was likely under the Illusion of Satisfaction, the Illusion of Relationship™ that separates us from love by covertly (a.k.a. often unconsciously) keeping us from our next adventure.
To go into a little more detail, the Illusion of Satisfaction often impacts people who are very well-accomplished. These people have often overcome huge struggles and setbacks or they beat the odds in some way. These are people who are successful and who many seek out for advice or mentorship.
How the Illusion of Satisfaction operates is sneaky in that it “hides” the next new experience. This can look like a lack of, or a low-key reluctance to start, something new—such as a relationship, new level of relationship, or a different creative endeavor. The reluctance is there because a part of that person fears the unknown; they have memories of how hard things were before and/or they are afraid of their lives being disrupted.
To really get a feel for the Illusion of Satisfaction, watch this short (under four minute) video here.
If you would like to have a deeper understanding of this Illusion, consider the following coaching questions:
- As you feel into your own inner knowing, what is your next level of satisfaction?
- What have you been thinking about doing for a while now and haven’t started?
- What changes does a part of you fear?
by lauren | Jul 28, 2021 | best relationships, boundaries, coaching questions, creating intimacy, dealing with drama, drama, Empowerment in relationships, fear of intimacy, forgiveness, Free spirit in relationship, illusion of drama, illusion of relationships, love relationship consciousness, love renegades, mistaken thinking, relationship challenges, self-love in relationships, spiritual relationship advice for women, validation seeking
Do you judge others for not giving you the support (ahem, validation) that you would like? Does a part of you feel that you *need* support from others to be the person you desire to be?
I ask these questions to shed light on Mistaken Thinking where love and support are confused with entitlement and validation. See, it is normal to seek safety and comfort when you are making changes and making new choices.
What we forget in this process is the Illusion of Drama, the Illusion of Relationship™ that separates us from Love by insisting that drama come with the natural chaos of change.
When we make changes our environment will react. By environment I am largely referring to our relationships. The other person (let’s say your partner, your husband, your adult child, your best friend, etc) may not be in “like vibration” to the changes you are making and may react as such. In this instance, it is important that you acknowledge that like you, this person has free will.
Just as you are free to make changes, others are free to react to those changes. If any part of you is seeking validation and approval and even feels entitled to receiving this so-called unconditional support, all you are really doing is activating the Illusion of Drama by causing yourself unnecessary drama, pain, and agony.
I bring this up to invite you to acknowledge your own actions, your own intentions, and your own process of initiating change. For example, have you entered into change with a variation of either of the following? (I have done both!)
Example A– You bulldoze forward with an attitude of, “I don’t care what others think! They will have to deal with it!”
Example B– You take action, but you do it in a covert way. It’s like you are living a double life.
Each of the aforementioned situations will inevitably lead to fear because they were initiated with fear. Not only do both of these actions invite drama, as they amplify the Illusion of Drama, but they also make assumptions, which is a hallmark of the Illusion of Absorption.
As you grow, it is wise to accept that much like your inner world and our beautiful oceans, your relationships will ebb and flow. You may find that some of these relationships fall away. This can be both a time of grief and a time of celebration.
Whether your heart is hurting from a breakup or a series of misunderstandings, choose to know that healing and peace are on the way. What would happen if you stepped out of a victim mentality and into your own authority? What would you do differently with all that you learned? What has the other person taught you about yourself?
Bless the gifts of these experiences and move on.
We are complete. We are whole. All is well.
by lauren | Jul 15, 2021 | Uncategorized
Learn more about the Illusion of Satisfaction, one of the Illusions of Relationship™ by watching this video here: https://youtu.be/taQdRO5_kwc
Or you can read the transcription below. 👇
“Today let’s connect about the Illusion of Satisfaction. The Illusion of Satisfaction is the sixth of the Illusions of Relationship™. It keeps you disconnected from your heart and keeps you separated from Love with its own shame and hurt. The way that the Illusion of Satisfaction works is that you may tell yourself that you are just completely fulfilled and “fine” with your life and current relationship—when that is not exactly the whole truth. The Illusion of Satisfaction works in that if you are single and would really deep down want to have people in your life or that one person who you can really connect with and share your life with—that you tell yourself “no, I am just fine not having a partner.” What is interesting about the Illusion of Satisfaction is of course we want to be satisfied and grateful for current circumstances. Sure, things could be worse, but it becomes an Illusion of Relationship when we lie to ourselves, and we fail to admit what we really want to feel amazing and what if we really want to experience. If the yearning is there, then the possibility of having it is there. To allow that [reality] into your life, you first need to admit that you want it. Yes, you may have had a long road where you had your heart broken in some way. Maybe a relationship fell a part. Maybe a creative project or a new business did not work out the way that you wanted it too. It is OK to stop and breathe and heal. You can do that while admitting that there is something more for you to experience and to allow into your life.”
by lauren | Jul 13, 2021 | best relationships, boundaries, coaching questions, dating advice for empaths, dating advice for highly sensitive people, deepening with partner, empaths in relationships, Empowerment in relationships, forgiveness, Healing Negative Emotions
It is Mistaken Thinking to believe that you need permission from some outside authority to have what you desire. You may wonder, “who is this perceived outside authority?” Before we go into the answer to that question, let’s talk about change. Please consider the following questions and select at least one to reflect upon:
- What in your relationship and life would you love to see “magically” change?
- What would the tone of your relationship or dating experience transform into?
- How would your qualities of friendships shift?
- What would you no longer tolerate in your life and relationships?
In order for any of your answers to the above to occur, you must be willing to make the change that is reflected in the answer to the question. Here are some examples:
- Example One– You want your partner to be fully supportive of your growth and your path. If this is true and you want to be able to connect with them on a deeper level, then you be the one to give yourself the permission, love, attention, and support that you desire from your partner.
- Example Two- Perhaps you are tired of playing the role of the “helpful friend” who always gives free advice. If this is the case, then consider that maybe you choose to be the “helpful friend” to obtain permission (a.k.a. validation) instead of stepping into higher levels of your self-worth.
- Example Three- Maybe it is time to set a boundary or start a new endeavor that you have been thinking about for some time, but instead of moving forward, you fear the fallout. Instead of taking action, you allow confusion and the fixation of what other people will think (i.e. secretly wondering if you have their permission) to keep you from moving forward.
What it comes down to is this…
Because you are the most important person in your life, you are the best authority in your life too! Will you give yourself permission to create a life that you love?
Thank you for reading and for spending time with yourself today.
Sending you blessings. <3
With Love and Wisdom,
Lauren
